3. CONSCIOUSLY MANIFESTING THE RELATIONSHIP YOU DESIRE
CONSCIOUSLY MANIFESTING THE RELATIONSHIP YOU DESIRE
In the first blog post (https://thecouplescoach.wordpress.com/2014/06/09/1-how-your-definition-of-abundance-can-enrich-your-relationship/) and second blog post (https://thecouplescoach.wordpress.com/2014/06/19/how-to-build-an-abundant-relationship/) you explored what Abundance means to you and wrote down your definition of Abundance as well as your definition of an Abundant Relationship.
We ended the session by looking at how important our intentions and desires are.
I shared with you that my heart’s deepest desires had been answered – every single desire that I had written in my letter to God / the Universe with regards to the relationship that I longed for and dreamed about had been fulfilled.
Your dreams, desires and intentions are incredibly powerful. You are a co-creator with the Universe. Tell the Universe what you desire, state your intention, put it out there. You will be amazed at how the Universe / God will manifest your desires. The Universe will work with you to give you the relationship that you long for.
The fact is, if you don’t know what you want and expect from your relationship, then how do you expect the Universe to manifest it? That is why it is so important to get clear on what you want, what your relationship goals are, what you desire.
One of the reasons that it is so important to know what you desire for your relationship, is that it is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind that, before you know it, life becomes routine and boring and you can get stuck in a relationship rut.
Just think about how much time you spend doing the things that have to get done (going to work, cooking, cleaning, sorting out pets and/or children, dealing with things or issues that can take up so much time and energy). Before you know it, your partner just becomes another issue that you have to deal with! It honestly doesn’t have to be that way.
Getting stuck in a relationship rut can be draining and demoralizing and is extremely unabundant. Before you know it, you are back in a scarcity mindset and find that you never have enough time, are always busy, feeling tired and lethargic, moody and impatient and the last thing you feel like doing is being emotionally available for someone else.
When you know what you truly desire (for your relationship and your life) even the day to day dealing with stuff becomes more manageable. You have more drive and energy to deal with the routine and the mundane because you know what you are wanting out of life; you know that you are co-creating the life and relationship that you desire.
Let’s explore DESIRE in more detail. What is a desire? What do we mean when we talk about desire?
Let me start by saying that there is a difference between a Goal and a Desire. A goal is something that you think you can strive toward and reach. It appeals to your cognitive, rational thinking. It can be measureable and achievable and works on a linear basis from point A to B. A goal is something you work hard for and unfortunately often leaves you feeling like you are never going to get there. It can leave you feeling like a failure and judged. We tap into our ‘masculine energy’ when we think in terms of goals.
A desire is very different from a goal
Desire connects you to your longing. It connects you to that part of you that will do pretty much anything to get what you desire.
Mama Gena explains it this way, “A desire propels you, lures you, invites you, beckons you into your perfect “what’s next” Desire is where the Divine lives, inside the inspiration of your desire.’
Desire is far more emotional than ‘goal’ – goal is rational. Goal may take you a step closer to where you want to go (it is transitional) but desire somehow works with the Universe / the Divine to manifest your dreams and longings (it is transformational!)
We tap into our ‘feminine energy’ when we think in terms of desires.
What I’d like you to do is go back to your definition of an abundant relationship list and take a couple of minutes to think about what you desire for your relationship. Get real, get honest and allow yourself to dream. Then, write down between 5 and 10 things (from your list or others, if you’ve come up with new ones) that you desire for your relationship. I want you to write them down in the present tense. Write them down as Power Statements.
ABUNDANT RELATIONSHIP POWER STATEMENTS
1. I am honest and trustworthy and refuse to lie to my partner.
2. I love my partner and treat him/her with respect.
3. I set quality time aside for my partner for sexual intimacy.
4. I enjoy my partner’s company and look forward to spending time together.
5. I share the household chores and help out as much as I can.
6. I communicate my thoughts and feelings with my partner.
7. I listen (am fully present) when my partner is talking to me.
8. I am great at resolving conflict and taking responsibility when I upset my partner.
9. I don’t shift the blame, I do not hold grudges. I forgive easily.
10. I put my partner’s needs before my own.
11. I am generous and giving.
12. I am patient and kind.
13. I appreciate my partner and do not take him/her for granted.
14. I am able to share my needs with my partner in a pro-active way.
15. I accept my partner for who he/she is. I do not try and change him/her.
16. I can be vulnerable and share my dreams and desires with my partner.
17. I am able to share my fears and concerns with my partner.
18. I do not judge or criticize my partner, nor do I belittle him/her.
19. I know when to give my partner ‘space’.
20. I can share my beliefs/spirituality with my partner.
You will be using the list that you have made for our next session and in the weeks to come, so keep it safe.
I would like to end this session with this thought – you cannot change your partner, you can only change yourself.
2. HOW TO BUILD AN ABUNDANT RELATIONSHIP
AN ABUNDANCE ATTITUDE
LEADS TO AN ABUNDANT RELATIONSHIP
In the previous blog post http://wp.me/p4nnS9-1L we looked at How your definition of Abundance can enrich your relationship and you wrote down your own definition of abundance, the next step I’d like you to do is to take a couple of minutes to write down your definition of an Abundant Relationship.
There is no right answer here – this is your definition and is based on what you would love your relationship to look like, to feel like, and to be like. This is what you desire for your relationship. How will the Universe / God know what to give you, if you don’t know what it is you want? Don’t worry about where your relationship is right now; focus on where you would like it to be. Sometimes it helps to look at what an abundant relationship isn’t, in order to figure out what it is.
To help you get started, I have written down my definition of AN ABUNDANT RELATIONSHIP:
My definition of an abundant relationship is a relationship that is built on mutual trust, love, intimacy, and respect. An abundant relationship is about making more than enough time for each other but also knowing when to give each other space. An abundant relationship is about enjoying each other’s company and looking forward to spending time together doing the things we enjoy doing. It’s about sharing the household chores and helping each other out. It’s about communicating well and solving conflict in a positive and constructive way. An abundant relationship is about putting my partner’s needs before my own; it requires me to be unselfish and to focus on being generous and giving. An abundant relationship is built on patience and kindness and learning to ‘read’ my partners moods. It is about being loving and kind and gentle and not taking my partner for granted. An abundant relationship requires me to be honest and open and able to express my needs in a proactive way. An abundant relationship is one where we accept each other for who we are and don’t try and change each other. An abundant relationship is one where we can both be vulnerable and share our greatest dreams and desires as well as our fears and concerns without the fear of being judged.
You may find it easier to write a letter stating what you want in a partner / relationship.
I remember doing this a couple of years ago when I was really struggling in my first marriage. I wrote a letter to the Universe / God along the lines of:
‘I want a partner who will love me unconditionally and accept me for who I am. I want a partner who will understand me and give me space when I’m having a bad day. I want a partner who will help me with the kids and the chores. I want a partner who sees me as an equal and treats me accordingly. I want a partner who I can communicate with, someone I can have meaningful conversations with and who actually listens to me when I talk. I want a partner who I can share my spirituality with, who won’t think I’m just a silly woman. I want someone who brings out the best in me. I want someone who knows how to stand up for himself and be assertive, but in a respectful and kind way. I want a partner who doesn’t shy away from responsibility or conflict. I want someone that I look forward to coming home to and spending time with. I want someone I can depend upon. I want a partner who I can trust, someone with integrity and honesty. I want a partner who really knows how to fulfill me sexually and who I can share a satisfying sex life with. I want a partner who can make me laugh and who I can have fun with. I want a partner who can keep an open mind and explore new possibilities. I want a partner who ‘gets me’, someone on the same wavelength as me. I want a partner who can open up to me and allow me in, not one who shuts me out. I want a partner who puts me first, who makes me feel like I am important and a priority, not somewhere at the bottom of his list.’
I remember the day I found this letter. Andre and I were clearing out my house – we had just got married and were in the process of moving my belongings, etc. to his place. I got goosebumps when I found the letter I had written to God / the Universe. My heart’s deepest desires had been answered – every single desire that I had written in my letter had been fulfilled (just not in the way I had expected). Unfortunately, my late husband passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was training for a cycle race and had an aortic aneurism that cost him his life.
Your dreams, desires and intentions are incredibly powerful. You are a co-creator with the Universe. Tell the Universe what you desire, state your intention, put it out there. You will be amazed at how the Universe / God will manifest your desires. The Universe will work with you to give you the relationship that you long for, (hopefully with the partner that you already have ;-))
Yours in Love
Laurene
1. HOW YOUR DEFINITION OF ABUNDANCE CAN ENRICH YOUR RELATIONSHIP
ABUNDANCE
Today we are going to look at how having a positive, thought out definition of ABUNDANCE can actually enrich your relationship and help you create the kind of relationship that you have always dreamed of and desired.
Have a pen and notebook handy because in a couple of minutes you will be writing down YOUR OWN DEFINITION OF ABUNDANCE.
When you think of Abundance, what thoughts, words and images come to mind? What does abundance look like / feel like? Is it about how much money you have, where you live, what vehicle you drive, how successful you are or is it more than that?
The first time I did this exercise, I was completely stumped. I didn’t know where to start because a lot of my thoughts and feelings regarding abundance were actually quite negative. I think I had been put off the term ‘Abundance’ because of it being overused and often times abused. I associated the word with ‘churchy’ phrases like Abundant Life and also ‘get rich quickly’ schemes.
I didn’t have any idea of what abundance actually is.
I remember writing, “Well it’s probably quite telling that I don’t have a definition of Abundance – or at least not a conscious, thought out definition as yet. But, that being said, let me look at putting a definition of abundance together that feels authentic for me”.
I really encourage you to do the same. Be as honest and authentic as you can. You are going to be referring back to the notes that you make during this Module, so the more you put into it, the more you will be able to get out of it.
Take some time now to write down a couple of sentences on your definition of Abundance.
To help you get started, I will share the Dictionary definition of Abundance with you.
ABUNDANCE
DEFINITIONS
a•bun•dance (-bndns)
n.
1. A great or plentiful amount.
2. Fullness to overflowing: “My thoughts . . . are from the abundance of my heart” (Thomas De Quincey).
3. Affluence; wealth.
4. A copious supply; great amount
5. Fullness or benevolence from the abundance of my heart
6. Degree of plentifulness
7. An extremely plentiful or over sufficient quantity or supply.
8. Overflowing fullness: abundance of the heart.
Abundance – profusion, a great plenty, an overflowing quantity. See also exuberance.
This is what I wrote as my definition of Abundance the first time I did this exercise.
Abundance is about having MORE THAN ENOUGH: More than enough WISDOM & INSIGHT to help bring about transformation in my own life and the lives of others. More than enough TIME & ENERGY to do the things I love doing and having fun. More than enough MONEY & RESOURCES, so that I don’t have to worry or feel stressed about finances. Enjoy excellent HEALTH & WELLNESS so that I can live life to the full and have an active lifestyle. Abundance is about having more than enough PEACE & CALM by meditating and making time to relax and breathe. Having an ATTITUDE OF ABUNDANCE will make my life feel more FULL & MEANINGFUL, so that I can operate out of a place of OVERFLOW, GRATITUDE and MORE THAN ENOUGH.
So often we think of abundance in terms of how much we own or how much money we have. It is so much more than that. Having an Attitude of Abundance can be summed up in the way you view the world. It is choosing to see the positive, as opposed to the negative, in the world (and each other for that matter). It is ‘seeing’ the world as abundant, rich and plentiful. It is about believing that there are more than enough resources, as well as opportunities to go around, that our world is bountiful and sustaining and is more than able to meet our needs, as well as the needs of others.
Seeing the world from this perspective helps you avoid falling into a poverty or scarcity mindset that is dominated by greed and selfishness – wanting it all for yourself and not wanting to share with others. It helps you avoid falling into the trap of NOT ENOUGH, of feeling sorry for yourself and focusing on what you don’t have.
ABUNDANCE MINDSET SCARCITY MINDSET
More than enough, plenty Never enough, lack
Happy and contented Unhappy and discontented
Generous Selfish
Sharing and giving Hording and keeping
More than enough time Always busy, never enough time
Loads of energy Tired and lethargic
Patient and tolerant Impatient and intolerant
Health & Wellness Unhealthy and sluggish
Peaceful and calm Moody and grumpy
Kindness and gentleness Harsh and unkind
Gratitude and good attitude Ungrateful and bad attitude
Wisdom and insight Foolish and thoughtless
This is the first of 8 Modules that I have written on CONSCIOUSLY CREATING THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU DESIRE.
I will be sharing a new Module with you each week to help you build the relationship of your dreams.
Yours in Love
Laurene
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Practical advice on handling conflict in your relationships
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bwiyf1TCg2XPcGxOa3NoTFhxQTg/edit?usp=sharing
The Couples Coach 
Recent Comments