TWIN FLAMES
My Beloved and I were having a conversation about the difference between Twin Flames and Soul Mates the other day, and our experience of both. He was very happily married to his Soul Mate for over 20 years, until she passed away after battling cancer. I was married to a very ‘patriarchal’, old-school kind of guy, whose love was very conditional. He had an aortic aneurism and passed away suddenly, leaving me widowed with two very young boys to look after. But that’s a story for another time.
Our conversation started after Andre fetched me from a Women’s Day event I’d been attending. As I was walking towards the car, I could feel his eyes drinking me in. I love it when he looks at me that way! I feel as if I am the only woman in the whole world in that moment. I feel so powerful, loved and vulnerable all at the same time. It is as if he can see directly into the core of my being and loves what he sees – unconditionally.
He described how he felt when I was walking towards him. He started by saying that he just felt ‘complete’, like Ah yes, (deep sigh of contentment) a part of him was coming back – even though he feels ‘complete’ within himself and doesn’t need me to ‘complete’ him – there is still a sense of home-coming, like a part of him has been away/missing and is now coming back. It’s like two complete parts that function absolutely perfectly away from each other but when they join together there is a dynamic other worldly connection that makes them transcend their previous state of completeness. It is difficult to try and put it into words – I wish I could describe it better.
http://www.divinetwinflamereunion.com/2013/03/twin-flametwin-souls-what-is-twin-flame.html
From the moment that we met and got to know each other we just ‘clicked’. A couple of weeks into our friendship and we knew we were destined to be together. We felt as if we’d known each other all our lives – in fact we felt as if we’d known each other forever.
The beauty of sharing my life with my twin flame is that I can share anything with him and know that it’s safe. He knows everything about me – there is nothing hidden – I can communicate openly with him. I am able to share my hopes and dreams, fears and frustrations, thoughts and ideas, as well as concerns and irritations, without having to be careful or guard what I say. He is my safe place. In him there is no judgement or condemnation.
Even when I share things with him that he doesn’t quite ‘get’ – I still know that I am loved, supported and held. There is incredible freedom in being understood and accepted on this level. He just ‘gets’ me – even when he doesn’t always agree with or even relate to what I am saying, he still honours and supports me. I feel like he knows me inside out and back to front and yet is still mesmerised and intrigued by the mystery and magic that makes me the multi-faceted being that I am.
Because our lives are so interwoven and we have a ‘history’ together – shared experiences, been through highs and lows, know each other as friends, companions, soul mates, lovers etc. – there is a level of commitment between us that has woven layer upon layer of deep understanding and ‘knowing’ into what we share. Our history of shared experience combined with the understanding that we are fully present and committed to each other adds a level of vulnerability, openness and transparency to our relationship that expands and grows as we share more and more of our lives together.
We are committed to growing together rather than growing apart. Even though we pursue our own interests, we have many interests and activities that we enjoy doing together.
We hold each other in the highest regard and treat each other with respect, even when we have our differences and annoy or irritate each other.
We communicate, we share from our hearts, we work together until we resolve any issues that need to be sorted out and dealt with.
We have fun together. We laugh – a lot!
We value each other’s opinions and are interested in each other’s lives outside of the one we share together. I can honestly say that after 14 years of being together our love and commitment continues to grow stronger and deeper.
The intimacy and pleasure of connecting with each other on all levels – body, soul and spirit during love making often takes on a spiritual dimension that connects us with Divine Source. Making love to the one person who in some ways knows me better than I know myself and who loves me – heart, mind and soul – transcends anything that I have ever experienced before. There is something incredibly primal and intoxicating knowing that my partner absolutely ‘worships’ and adores the most sacred and intimate parts of me.
Opening up my body to wave after wave of pleasure and release at the skilled hands, mouth and body of my lover takes the tantric experience to new heights because I am able to open up my heart and soul at the same time. Knowing that his body, soul and spirit is open to mine and joined together in unity is beyond human understanding – the love making takes on a spiritual level that is hard to put into words – it is something that can only be experienced.
Lastly, I want to add, that when Andre and I met, I hadn’t ever heard the expression ‘twin flame’. It is a relatively ‘new’ term and can put a lot of pressure on people to try and meet their one true love. I didn’t connect with Andre with the idea that I was connecting with my soul mate or twin flame. As we got to know each other, so we started to realise what we had. It is only recently that I have found words to add context to our experience.
My belief is that as more and more people awaken to the Sacred Feminine within themselves (and each other) and get rid of the old patriarchal mind-set, they will start connecting with other ‘awakened beings’ on the same journey. As we begin to integrate the Divine Masculine and Sacred Feminine aspects of ourselves and begin to transcend duality and work toward unity, so we will find like-minded ‘enlightened’ souls that we will connect with on much deeper levels than ever before. I believe that many people will start connecting (and already have connected) with their soul mates and more and more twin souls/flames will ‘find’ each other.
My advice to you is this, if you are in a relationship with someone already, work on growing together on all three levels – body, soul and spirit – the more intimately you connect on these levels, the more connected you will feel. Life is too short to be with the ‘wrong’ person though, so if you are in a relationship that you have out grown – it may be time to say good bye and move on. Do so with the utmost love and respect; because Karma has a way of coming back to teach us lessons that we may still need to learn.
Yours in love
Laurene
3. CONSCIOUSLY MANIFESTING THE RELATIONSHIP YOU DESIRE
CONSCIOUSLY MANIFESTING THE RELATIONSHIP YOU DESIRE
In the first blog post (https://thecouplescoach.wordpress.com/2014/06/09/1-how-your-definition-of-abundance-can-enrich-your-relationship/) and second blog post (https://thecouplescoach.wordpress.com/2014/06/19/how-to-build-an-abundant-relationship/) you explored what Abundance means to you and wrote down your definition of Abundance as well as your definition of an Abundant Relationship.
We ended the session by looking at how important our intentions and desires are.
I shared with you that my heart’s deepest desires had been answered – every single desire that I had written in my letter to God / the Universe with regards to the relationship that I longed for and dreamed about had been fulfilled.
Your dreams, desires and intentions are incredibly powerful. You are a co-creator with the Universe. Tell the Universe what you desire, state your intention, put it out there. You will be amazed at how the Universe / God will manifest your desires. The Universe will work with you to give you the relationship that you long for.
The fact is, if you don’t know what you want and expect from your relationship, then how do you expect the Universe to manifest it? That is why it is so important to get clear on what you want, what your relationship goals are, what you desire.
One of the reasons that it is so important to know what you desire for your relationship, is that it is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind that, before you know it, life becomes routine and boring and you can get stuck in a relationship rut.
Just think about how much time you spend doing the things that have to get done (going to work, cooking, cleaning, sorting out pets and/or children, dealing with things or issues that can take up so much time and energy). Before you know it, your partner just becomes another issue that you have to deal with! It honestly doesn’t have to be that way.
Getting stuck in a relationship rut can be draining and demoralizing and is extremely unabundant. Before you know it, you are back in a scarcity mindset and find that you never have enough time, are always busy, feeling tired and lethargic, moody and impatient and the last thing you feel like doing is being emotionally available for someone else.
When you know what you truly desire (for your relationship and your life) even the day to day dealing with stuff becomes more manageable. You have more drive and energy to deal with the routine and the mundane because you know what you are wanting out of life; you know that you are co-creating the life and relationship that you desire.
Let’s explore DESIRE in more detail. What is a desire? What do we mean when we talk about desire?
Let me start by saying that there is a difference between a Goal and a Desire. A goal is something that you think you can strive toward and reach. It appeals to your cognitive, rational thinking. It can be measureable and achievable and works on a linear basis from point A to B. A goal is something you work hard for and unfortunately often leaves you feeling like you are never going to get there. It can leave you feeling like a failure and judged. We tap into our ‘masculine energy’ when we think in terms of goals.
A desire is very different from a goal
Desire connects you to your longing. It connects you to that part of you that will do pretty much anything to get what you desire.
Mama Gena explains it this way, “A desire propels you, lures you, invites you, beckons you into your perfect “what’s next” Desire is where the Divine lives, inside the inspiration of your desire.’
Desire is far more emotional than ‘goal’ – goal is rational. Goal may take you a step closer to where you want to go (it is transitional) but desire somehow works with the Universe / the Divine to manifest your dreams and longings (it is transformational!)
We tap into our ‘feminine energy’ when we think in terms of desires.
What I’d like you to do is go back to your definition of an abundant relationship list and take a couple of minutes to think about what you desire for your relationship. Get real, get honest and allow yourself to dream. Then, write down between 5 and 10 things (from your list or others, if you’ve come up with new ones) that you desire for your relationship. I want you to write them down in the present tense. Write them down as Power Statements.
ABUNDANT RELATIONSHIP POWER STATEMENTS
1. I am honest and trustworthy and refuse to lie to my partner.
2. I love my partner and treat him/her with respect.
3. I set quality time aside for my partner for sexual intimacy.
4. I enjoy my partner’s company and look forward to spending time together.
5. I share the household chores and help out as much as I can.
6. I communicate my thoughts and feelings with my partner.
7. I listen (am fully present) when my partner is talking to me.
8. I am great at resolving conflict and taking responsibility when I upset my partner.
9. I don’t shift the blame, I do not hold grudges. I forgive easily.
10. I put my partner’s needs before my own.
11. I am generous and giving.
12. I am patient and kind.
13. I appreciate my partner and do not take him/her for granted.
14. I am able to share my needs with my partner in a pro-active way.
15. I accept my partner for who he/she is. I do not try and change him/her.
16. I can be vulnerable and share my dreams and desires with my partner.
17. I am able to share my fears and concerns with my partner.
18. I do not judge or criticize my partner, nor do I belittle him/her.
19. I know when to give my partner ‘space’.
20. I can share my beliefs/spirituality with my partner.
You will be using the list that you have made for our next session and in the weeks to come, so keep it safe.
I would like to end this session with this thought – you cannot change your partner, you can only change yourself.
2. HOW TO BUILD AN ABUNDANT RELATIONSHIP
AN ABUNDANCE ATTITUDE
LEADS TO AN ABUNDANT RELATIONSHIP
In the previous blog post http://wp.me/p4nnS9-1L we looked at How your definition of Abundance can enrich your relationship and you wrote down your own definition of abundance, the next step I’d like you to do is to take a couple of minutes to write down your definition of an Abundant Relationship.
There is no right answer here – this is your definition and is based on what you would love your relationship to look like, to feel like, and to be like. This is what you desire for your relationship. How will the Universe / God know what to give you, if you don’t know what it is you want? Don’t worry about where your relationship is right now; focus on where you would like it to be. Sometimes it helps to look at what an abundant relationship isn’t, in order to figure out what it is.
To help you get started, I have written down my definition of AN ABUNDANT RELATIONSHIP:
My definition of an abundant relationship is a relationship that is built on mutual trust, love, intimacy, and respect. An abundant relationship is about making more than enough time for each other but also knowing when to give each other space. An abundant relationship is about enjoying each other’s company and looking forward to spending time together doing the things we enjoy doing. It’s about sharing the household chores and helping each other out. It’s about communicating well and solving conflict in a positive and constructive way. An abundant relationship is about putting my partner’s needs before my own; it requires me to be unselfish and to focus on being generous and giving. An abundant relationship is built on patience and kindness and learning to ‘read’ my partners moods. It is about being loving and kind and gentle and not taking my partner for granted. An abundant relationship requires me to be honest and open and able to express my needs in a proactive way. An abundant relationship is one where we accept each other for who we are and don’t try and change each other. An abundant relationship is one where we can both be vulnerable and share our greatest dreams and desires as well as our fears and concerns without the fear of being judged.
You may find it easier to write a letter stating what you want in a partner / relationship.
I remember doing this a couple of years ago when I was really struggling in my first marriage. I wrote a letter to the Universe / God along the lines of:
‘I want a partner who will love me unconditionally and accept me for who I am. I want a partner who will understand me and give me space when I’m having a bad day. I want a partner who will help me with the kids and the chores. I want a partner who sees me as an equal and treats me accordingly. I want a partner who I can communicate with, someone I can have meaningful conversations with and who actually listens to me when I talk. I want a partner who I can share my spirituality with, who won’t think I’m just a silly woman. I want someone who brings out the best in me. I want someone who knows how to stand up for himself and be assertive, but in a respectful and kind way. I want a partner who doesn’t shy away from responsibility or conflict. I want someone that I look forward to coming home to and spending time with. I want someone I can depend upon. I want a partner who I can trust, someone with integrity and honesty. I want a partner who really knows how to fulfill me sexually and who I can share a satisfying sex life with. I want a partner who can make me laugh and who I can have fun with. I want a partner who can keep an open mind and explore new possibilities. I want a partner who ‘gets me’, someone on the same wavelength as me. I want a partner who can open up to me and allow me in, not one who shuts me out. I want a partner who puts me first, who makes me feel like I am important and a priority, not somewhere at the bottom of his list.’
I remember the day I found this letter. Andre and I were clearing out my house – we had just got married and were in the process of moving my belongings, etc. to his place. I got goosebumps when I found the letter I had written to God / the Universe. My heart’s deepest desires had been answered – every single desire that I had written in my letter had been fulfilled (just not in the way I had expected). Unfortunately, my late husband passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was training for a cycle race and had an aortic aneurism that cost him his life.
Your dreams, desires and intentions are incredibly powerful. You are a co-creator with the Universe. Tell the Universe what you desire, state your intention, put it out there. You will be amazed at how the Universe / God will manifest your desires. The Universe will work with you to give you the relationship that you long for, (hopefully with the partner that you already have ;-))
Yours in Love
Laurene
1. HOW YOUR DEFINITION OF ABUNDANCE CAN ENRICH YOUR RELATIONSHIP
ABUNDANCE
Today we are going to look at how having a positive, thought out definition of ABUNDANCE can actually enrich your relationship and help you create the kind of relationship that you have always dreamed of and desired.
Have a pen and notebook handy because in a couple of minutes you will be writing down YOUR OWN DEFINITION OF ABUNDANCE.
When you think of Abundance, what thoughts, words and images come to mind? What does abundance look like / feel like? Is it about how much money you have, where you live, what vehicle you drive, how successful you are or is it more than that?
The first time I did this exercise, I was completely stumped. I didn’t know where to start because a lot of my thoughts and feelings regarding abundance were actually quite negative. I think I had been put off the term ‘Abundance’ because of it being overused and often times abused. I associated the word with ‘churchy’ phrases like Abundant Life and also ‘get rich quickly’ schemes.
I didn’t have any idea of what abundance actually is.
I remember writing, “Well it’s probably quite telling that I don’t have a definition of Abundance – or at least not a conscious, thought out definition as yet. But, that being said, let me look at putting a definition of abundance together that feels authentic for me”.
I really encourage you to do the same. Be as honest and authentic as you can. You are going to be referring back to the notes that you make during this Module, so the more you put into it, the more you will be able to get out of it.
Take some time now to write down a couple of sentences on your definition of Abundance.
To help you get started, I will share the Dictionary definition of Abundance with you.
ABUNDANCE
DEFINITIONS
a•bun•dance (-bndns)
n.
1. A great or plentiful amount.
2. Fullness to overflowing: “My thoughts . . . are from the abundance of my heart” (Thomas De Quincey).
3. Affluence; wealth.
4. A copious supply; great amount
5. Fullness or benevolence from the abundance of my heart
6. Degree of plentifulness
7. An extremely plentiful or over sufficient quantity or supply.
8. Overflowing fullness: abundance of the heart.
Abundance – profusion, a great plenty, an overflowing quantity. See also exuberance.
This is what I wrote as my definition of Abundance the first time I did this exercise.
Abundance is about having MORE THAN ENOUGH: More than enough WISDOM & INSIGHT to help bring about transformation in my own life and the lives of others. More than enough TIME & ENERGY to do the things I love doing and having fun. More than enough MONEY & RESOURCES, so that I don’t have to worry or feel stressed about finances. Enjoy excellent HEALTH & WELLNESS so that I can live life to the full and have an active lifestyle. Abundance is about having more than enough PEACE & CALM by meditating and making time to relax and breathe. Having an ATTITUDE OF ABUNDANCE will make my life feel more FULL & MEANINGFUL, so that I can operate out of a place of OVERFLOW, GRATITUDE and MORE THAN ENOUGH.
So often we think of abundance in terms of how much we own or how much money we have. It is so much more than that. Having an Attitude of Abundance can be summed up in the way you view the world. It is choosing to see the positive, as opposed to the negative, in the world (and each other for that matter). It is ‘seeing’ the world as abundant, rich and plentiful. It is about believing that there are more than enough resources, as well as opportunities to go around, that our world is bountiful and sustaining and is more than able to meet our needs, as well as the needs of others.
Seeing the world from this perspective helps you avoid falling into a poverty or scarcity mindset that is dominated by greed and selfishness – wanting it all for yourself and not wanting to share with others. It helps you avoid falling into the trap of NOT ENOUGH, of feeling sorry for yourself and focusing on what you don’t have.
ABUNDANCE MINDSET SCARCITY MINDSET
More than enough, plenty Never enough, lack
Happy and contented Unhappy and discontented
Generous Selfish
Sharing and giving Hording and keeping
More than enough time Always busy, never enough time
Loads of energy Tired and lethargic
Patient and tolerant Impatient and intolerant
Health & Wellness Unhealthy and sluggish
Peaceful and calm Moody and grumpy
Kindness and gentleness Harsh and unkind
Gratitude and good attitude Ungrateful and bad attitude
Wisdom and insight Foolish and thoughtless
This is the first of 8 Modules that I have written on CONSCIOUSLY CREATING THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU DESIRE.
I will be sharing a new Module with you each week to help you build the relationship of your dreams.
Yours in Love
Laurene
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Practical advice on handling conflict in your relationships
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bwiyf1TCg2XPcGxOa3NoTFhxQTg/edit?usp=sharing
A LOVING RELATIONSHIP
A loving relationship is a wonderful thing. It fills your life with meaning, with purpose, with joy and passion. To be in love adds a different feel to each day because each new day creates a new expectation, a new adventure, a new opportunity to share your lives together.
So, when our partner leaves, whether by making a decision to terminate the relationship or due to death,we feel as though part of us has been torn out of our bodies. We use the phrase “our other half” so it is hardly surprising that we feel incomplete when half of us is gone.
Those of you who have lost a loving partner will agree with me when I say that often we don’t know what we have until it is gone. It is amazing how often people will say “If I had my time over, I would do things so differently.”
I lost my first wife, Jenny, to cancer when I was 49 years old. After a 30 year relationship, I felt like I was the one who had died.
After a while, all the regrets came but, eventually, I made peace with myself and the past. The regrets I converted into lessons for the future.
My loving relationship with Laurene is different. In our 13 years together, the “regret” lessons that I learned have made it different.
So here are some of those lessons:
1. Don’t just be in love. Be friends. Do things that friends do. Have fun like friends have fun. Didn’t you have fun when you met? Why stop?
2. The best way to have a good relationship, is to spend time together. I don’t mean being in the same home. I mean being in each others company, doing things together, talking to each other.
3. Make your partner your top priority. When he/she needs your help, that comes first. Excuse yourself from the meeting, from the golf game, change your appointment, switch off the TV and be there for your partner. Very soon, making your partner No 1 will result in you becoming their No 1.
4. Listen to your partner. I don’t mean while you are watching TV or eating or reading the newspaper. I mean sitting opposite each other, making eye contact and listening without interruptions.
5. Tell your partner every day that you love them. Otherwise, how will they know how you feel? You need to reinforce the safety and confidence that they can experience in your relationship.
There is no recipe for the perfect loving relationship. It requires work and sometimes sacrifices. Be kind to each other and yourself.
Keep loving.
Andre
ALL IT NEEDS IS A BIT OF WATER
I don’t know about you, but I often find it really helpful to hear someone else’s story (a real live example on how they handle conflict in their own relationship).
Story telling requires the story teller to be authentic and honest, so that the listeners can relate to what is being shared. Facts are great, but stories often help you relate more to what the story teller is saying.
Now, that being said, I am going to share with you (very honestly) what happened on Sunday morning, in the hope that you can relate to some of the ‘stuff’ that I share and hopefully learn a couple of things along the way.
So, there we were, having breakfast outside on the patio overlooking our back garden when I decided to have a good old whinge about the state of our garden. To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure why I was feeling crabby – I was just feeling yucky and overwhelmed and irritable – and the garden became an easy target to take all my frustration and irritation out on (except it wasn’t the garden that was getting the 3rd degree – it was Andre!) For those of you who know Andre, you will know that he is first and foremost a ‘peacemaker’ and secondly an eternal optimist, so when he suggested that all it needed was a bit of water, I wasn’t amused. That was definitely the wrong answer!
His ‘all it needs is a bit of water’ comment got a ‘snarky’, sarcastic reply out of me and I am very embarrassed to add that I didn’t stop there – I was on a roll! When I’m on a roll, I find it very hard to stop and I say completely melodramatic, over-the-top things like, “The garden looks just like me on the inside, a complete mess!”
Can I just say at this point, I knew that I was being dramatic and that just annoyed me even more (I hate it when I ‘behave’ like this and so I become very hard on myself and really run myself down). I felt even worse because I knew that I was upsetting Andre. I’d had a ‘dig’ about not being able to afford a gardener (which isn’t even true) and was feeling so damn guilty for being so awful.
I am sure that you can all see how at this point this ‘episode’ could have escalated into something worse than it already was and spoilt our whole day. I am guessing that there are some of you who are thinking that Andre would have been more than justified if he had reacted defensively and told me I was being a bitch or if he had tried to avoid me for the rest of the day and gone and worked in his garage.
Thank goodness Andre is an ‘evolved’ man and far better at solving conflict than I am. Instead of giving in to his feelings and getting defensive or sulky, he chose to be honest and vulnerable with me and said something along the lines of, “Lau, I’m sorry that you are upset about the garden and that we haven’t been able to get a gardener in to sort it out. It really hurts me to see you be so hard on yourself, please stop. I have been looking so forward to spending time with you and making the most of our day together. Come on; let’s not let this ruin it”.
Because Andre was able to remain rational and chose to speak to me from his ‘adult’ rather that ‘critical parent’ or ‘sulky teenager’ archetype, it diffused the whole situation.In fact, it did more than that. Because his attitude was kind and gentle and forgiving, I was able to take a deep breath and regroup. I was able to open up to him and apologize and admit that I was also looking forward to spending the day together after being cooped up at home for two days recovering from a cold.
He created a safe space (emotionally) for me to be vulnerable and ‘unpack’ what was actually going on. I was able to ‘own’ my feelings and realize that I was very premenstrual and feeling overwhelmed by all the ‘stuff’ that I normally cope with pretty well. It gave me a chance to look at what I need to ‘release’ – thoughts, feelings, worries etc. and deal with them. I even had a chance to speak through something that I had been mulling over and it was great having Andre confirm and validate my train of thought. In fact, it led to a pretty awesome breakthrough.
It was Full Moon on Sunday and we landed up spending an amazing day together really connecting on a very deep level. We went for a long walk along Hout Bay beach, sat quietly overlooking Llundudno as we watched the sunset and then to top it all off, were treated to a magnificent full moon rising over Suikerbossie.
The way Andre loves and accepts me is incredibly healing and he has learnt how to bring out the best in me.
Conflict resolution in relationships is one of the subjects we will be addressing in the workshops that the Couples Coach will soon be running.
Yours in Love
Laurene
HOW ARE YOU TREATING YOUR PARTNER?
There is a lot of truth in the Statement:
‘People only treat you one way ….. the way you allow them’
I believe that it works the other way around too.
People are likely to treat you the way that you treat them.
How you treat your significant other can either bring out the best or the worst in them.
The ultimate is to reach a point where you don’t react defensively or judgmentally when your partner is having a ‘bad day’ and takes it out on you. When you are able to respond back to them with gentleness and tolerance (loving-kindness) when they’re having a ‘moment’ it can quite easily diffuse a situation that could so easily have turned into a fight.
I remember the first time I was feeling moody and irritable and being bitchy and difficult – Andre came and put his arms around me and said something along the lines of, “What have you done with Laurene, where are you hiding her?) A bit of humour goes a long way!
If he had reacted defensively or judgmentally and told me to stop being a bitch it wouldn’t have helped the situation at all. I was already very aware that my behaviour was awful and that I shouldn’t be taking it out on him. I felt bad enough already without him pointing out the obvious.
I am guessing that most of us know when we’re being difficult without our partners pointing it out to us.
If he had withdrawn and ignored me it wouldn’t have helped either.
Now please don’t get me wrong, I am NOT saying that you should allow your partner to treat you badly and take out their frustrations on you. All I am saying is that there are definitely times when extending grace, tolerance, love and kindness go a long way, especially when your partner knows that they are being difficult, moody, irritable etc.
Having your partner respond to you in love rather than judgement is incredibly healing!
What I found is that the next time Andre was having a ‘moment’ of his own, I remembered how incredible it felt to receive his gentleness and tolerance when I had been having my own ‘moment’ and chose to do the same for him.
Remember that you have the ability to bring out the best or the worst in your partner. Choose wisely.
May I just add that if you are in a relationship with a partner who is constantly pulling you down and taking out their ‘moments’ on you, I would suggest that the two of you get some help. I would also suggest that it may be a good idea to draw a line and stop allowing your partner to treat you that way. Remember, you choose how you allow others to treat you.
Andre and I will be covering communication skills as well as conflict resolution in the Couples Coaching workshops that we will be offering.
We will also be dealing with these two areas in our online course.
Yours in love
Laurene
The Couples Coach 
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