TWIN FLAMES
My Beloved and I were having a conversation about the difference between Twin Flames and Soul Mates the other day, and our experience of both. He was very happily married to his Soul Mate for over 20 years, until she passed away after battling cancer. I was married to a very ‘patriarchal’, old-school kind of guy, whose love was very conditional. He had an aortic aneurism and passed away suddenly, leaving me widowed with two very young boys to look after. But that’s a story for another time.
Our conversation started after Andre fetched me from a Women’s Day event I’d been attending. As I was walking towards the car, I could feel his eyes drinking me in. I love it when he looks at me that way! I feel as if I am the only woman in the whole world in that moment. I feel so powerful, loved and vulnerable all at the same time. It is as if he can see directly into the core of my being and loves what he sees – unconditionally.
He described how he felt when I was walking towards him. He started by saying that he just felt ‘complete’, like Ah yes, (deep sigh of contentment) a part of him was coming back – even though he feels ‘complete’ within himself and doesn’t need me to ‘complete’ him – there is still a sense of home-coming, like a part of him has been away/missing and is now coming back. It’s like two complete parts that function absolutely perfectly away from each other but when they join together there is a dynamic other worldly connection that makes them transcend their previous state of completeness. It is difficult to try and put it into words – I wish I could describe it better.
http://www.divinetwinflamereunion.com/2013/03/twin-flametwin-souls-what-is-twin-flame.html
From the moment that we met and got to know each other we just ‘clicked’. A couple of weeks into our friendship and we knew we were destined to be together. We felt as if we’d known each other all our lives – in fact we felt as if we’d known each other forever.
The beauty of sharing my life with my twin flame is that I can share anything with him and know that it’s safe. He knows everything about me – there is nothing hidden – I can communicate openly with him. I am able to share my hopes and dreams, fears and frustrations, thoughts and ideas, as well as concerns and irritations, without having to be careful or guard what I say. He is my safe place. In him there is no judgement or condemnation.
Even when I share things with him that he doesn’t quite ‘get’ – I still know that I am loved, supported and held. There is incredible freedom in being understood and accepted on this level. He just ‘gets’ me – even when he doesn’t always agree with or even relate to what I am saying, he still honours and supports me. I feel like he knows me inside out and back to front and yet is still mesmerised and intrigued by the mystery and magic that makes me the multi-faceted being that I am.
Because our lives are so interwoven and we have a ‘history’ together – shared experiences, been through highs and lows, know each other as friends, companions, soul mates, lovers etc. – there is a level of commitment between us that has woven layer upon layer of deep understanding and ‘knowing’ into what we share. Our history of shared experience combined with the understanding that we are fully present and committed to each other adds a level of vulnerability, openness and transparency to our relationship that expands and grows as we share more and more of our lives together.
We are committed to growing together rather than growing apart. Even though we pursue our own interests, we have many interests and activities that we enjoy doing together.
We hold each other in the highest regard and treat each other with respect, even when we have our differences and annoy or irritate each other.
We communicate, we share from our hearts, we work together until we resolve any issues that need to be sorted out and dealt with.
We have fun together. We laugh – a lot!
We value each other’s opinions and are interested in each other’s lives outside of the one we share together. I can honestly say that after 14 years of being together our love and commitment continues to grow stronger and deeper.
The intimacy and pleasure of connecting with each other on all levels – body, soul and spirit during love making often takes on a spiritual dimension that connects us with Divine Source. Making love to the one person who in some ways knows me better than I know myself and who loves me – heart, mind and soul – transcends anything that I have ever experienced before. There is something incredibly primal and intoxicating knowing that my partner absolutely ‘worships’ and adores the most sacred and intimate parts of me.
Opening up my body to wave after wave of pleasure and release at the skilled hands, mouth and body of my lover takes the tantric experience to new heights because I am able to open up my heart and soul at the same time. Knowing that his body, soul and spirit is open to mine and joined together in unity is beyond human understanding – the love making takes on a spiritual level that is hard to put into words – it is something that can only be experienced.
Lastly, I want to add, that when Andre and I met, I hadn’t ever heard the expression ‘twin flame’. It is a relatively ‘new’ term and can put a lot of pressure on people to try and meet their one true love. I didn’t connect with Andre with the idea that I was connecting with my soul mate or twin flame. As we got to know each other, so we started to realise what we had. It is only recently that I have found words to add context to our experience.
My belief is that as more and more people awaken to the Sacred Feminine within themselves (and each other) and get rid of the old patriarchal mind-set, they will start connecting with other ‘awakened beings’ on the same journey. As we begin to integrate the Divine Masculine and Sacred Feminine aspects of ourselves and begin to transcend duality and work toward unity, so we will find like-minded ‘enlightened’ souls that we will connect with on much deeper levels than ever before. I believe that many people will start connecting (and already have connected) with their soul mates and more and more twin souls/flames will ‘find’ each other.
My advice to you is this, if you are in a relationship with someone already, work on growing together on all three levels – body, soul and spirit – the more intimately you connect on these levels, the more connected you will feel. Life is too short to be with the ‘wrong’ person though, so if you are in a relationship that you have out grown – it may be time to say good bye and move on. Do so with the utmost love and respect; because Karma has a way of coming back to teach us lessons that we may still need to learn.
Yours in love
Laurene
A LOVING RELATIONSHIP
A loving relationship is a wonderful thing. It fills your life with meaning, with purpose, with joy and passion. To be in love adds a different feel to each day because each new day creates a new expectation, a new adventure, a new opportunity to share your lives together.
So, when our partner leaves, whether by making a decision to terminate the relationship or due to death,we feel as though part of us has been torn out of our bodies. We use the phrase “our other half” so it is hardly surprising that we feel incomplete when half of us is gone.
Those of you who have lost a loving partner will agree with me when I say that often we don’t know what we have until it is gone. It is amazing how often people will say “If I had my time over, I would do things so differently.”
I lost my first wife, Jenny, to cancer when I was 49 years old. After a 30 year relationship, I felt like I was the one who had died.
After a while, all the regrets came but, eventually, I made peace with myself and the past. The regrets I converted into lessons for the future.
My loving relationship with Laurene is different. In our 13 years together, the “regret” lessons that I learned have made it different.
So here are some of those lessons:
1. Don’t just be in love. Be friends. Do things that friends do. Have fun like friends have fun. Didn’t you have fun when you met? Why stop?
2. The best way to have a good relationship, is to spend time together. I don’t mean being in the same home. I mean being in each others company, doing things together, talking to each other.
3. Make your partner your top priority. When he/she needs your help, that comes first. Excuse yourself from the meeting, from the golf game, change your appointment, switch off the TV and be there for your partner. Very soon, making your partner No 1 will result in you becoming their No 1.
4. Listen to your partner. I don’t mean while you are watching TV or eating or reading the newspaper. I mean sitting opposite each other, making eye contact and listening without interruptions.
5. Tell your partner every day that you love them. Otherwise, how will they know how you feel? You need to reinforce the safety and confidence that they can experience in your relationship.
There is no recipe for the perfect loving relationship. It requires work and sometimes sacrifices. Be kind to each other and yourself.
Keep loving.
Andre
HOW ARE YOU TREATING YOUR PARTNER?
There is a lot of truth in the Statement:
‘People only treat you one way ….. the way you allow them’
I believe that it works the other way around too.
People are likely to treat you the way that you treat them.
How you treat your significant other can either bring out the best or the worst in them.
The ultimate is to reach a point where you don’t react defensively or judgmentally when your partner is having a ‘bad day’ and takes it out on you. When you are able to respond back to them with gentleness and tolerance (loving-kindness) when they’re having a ‘moment’ it can quite easily diffuse a situation that could so easily have turned into a fight.
I remember the first time I was feeling moody and irritable and being bitchy and difficult – Andre came and put his arms around me and said something along the lines of, “What have you done with Laurene, where are you hiding her?) A bit of humour goes a long way!
If he had reacted defensively or judgmentally and told me to stop being a bitch it wouldn’t have helped the situation at all. I was already very aware that my behaviour was awful and that I shouldn’t be taking it out on him. I felt bad enough already without him pointing out the obvious.
I am guessing that most of us know when we’re being difficult without our partners pointing it out to us.
If he had withdrawn and ignored me it wouldn’t have helped either.
Now please don’t get me wrong, I am NOT saying that you should allow your partner to treat you badly and take out their frustrations on you. All I am saying is that there are definitely times when extending grace, tolerance, love and kindness go a long way, especially when your partner knows that they are being difficult, moody, irritable etc.
Having your partner respond to you in love rather than judgement is incredibly healing!
What I found is that the next time Andre was having a ‘moment’ of his own, I remembered how incredible it felt to receive his gentleness and tolerance when I had been having my own ‘moment’ and chose to do the same for him.
Remember that you have the ability to bring out the best or the worst in your partner. Choose wisely.
May I just add that if you are in a relationship with a partner who is constantly pulling you down and taking out their ‘moments’ on you, I would suggest that the two of you get some help. I would also suggest that it may be a good idea to draw a line and stop allowing your partner to treat you that way. Remember, you choose how you allow others to treat you.
Andre and I will be covering communication skills as well as conflict resolution in the Couples Coaching workshops that we will be offering.
We will also be dealing with these two areas in our online course.
Yours in love
Laurene
RELATIONSHIPS!
The doctor told the young man, “You won’t live for more than a week if you don’t stop fooling around with women.”
“But my health is wonderful,” protested the man. “It doesn’t do me any harm.”
“It will,” warned the doctor. “One of them is my wife.”
Aah, yes! Relationships. Nothing like them to start a war – on the battlefield or in the home. Think of the great battles that have been fought over a relationship. I bet you also know a few great home wars. I once lived next door to a couple who vented every night, yelling at each other at the top of their voices. They took load-shedding to a new level.
So, why do we do it? Why do we get involved in relationships when we know they have the potential to cause us stress and pain? Simple! No living person can avoid being in a relationship with someone. The people you live with, you work with and play with, are all in relationship with you. You say life is tough. What you mean is that life, with relationships, is tough. Life without them is bliss. But we will never know that, unless we are stranded on an island all on our own. How boring.
Now, a loving relationship takes everything to a whole new level. The relationship you have with your co-workers in the office, on the construction site, or wherever you work, is easy by comparison. You can control those relationships by limiting time, information and/or emotion, thereby limiting the level of the relationship to where you want it. In a loving relationship, you do not have that advantage. If you are limiting time, information and/or emotion in a loving relationship, then it is not loving. It is merely a relationship.
Isn’t it interesting that millions are spent training people to be great at what they do. Yet, almost nothing is spent on educating people about good relationships. The one thing all of us have to deal with on a daily basis and yet, we hardly give it any attention by comparison to other parts of our education. So, where do you go to learn the skills that will give you a better chance at having a successful loving relationship? Watch this space!
Yours in love.
Andre
The Couples Coach 
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